La posta

Fear

Tengo que leer Dune, la puta madre.

Frases (Episodio XXXI)

Cuanta realidad.

Frases (Episodio XXX)

¿Te acordás cuando bailábamos en la calle?.

Spaced tiene la posta (Parte I)

Brian: What are you playing?
Tim: Tomb Raider 3.
Brian: She's drowning.
Tim: Yeah.
Brian: Is that the point of the game?
Tim: Depends what mood you're in really.
Brian: What sort of mood are you in then?
Tim: Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning, 3 months too late, explaining why she dumped me. It was full of 'you'll always be special' and 'I'll always love you' platitudes designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously appeasing her deep seated sense of guilt for dumping me, running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.
Brian: So it didn't really work then.
Tim: No, it made me wanna drown things!

Frases (Episodio XXIX)

Frases (Episodio XXIII)

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke.
I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"

-  The Joker

Frases (Episodio XXII)

"When I sit here and look around this room, I feel a certain way... and then I look over at you, and it's so different and beautiful. And then I hear you laugh, and it's easily the brightest color I've ever heard."

Frases (Episodio XXI)

Para todos los hombres, las 3 peores cosas que se le pueden decir a una mujer de cualquier especie:

‘That was just physical. Those females meant nothing to me.’
This is historically the third worst things to say to a female of any species.
‘They meant nothing? Why not?’
Wowbagger spread his arms. ‘How could they? Even as we mated, they were growing old.’
There’s number two.
Trillian’s eyes flashed. ‘Growing old. We all grow old, Bowerick. Believe it or not, I’m growing old too.’
Wowbagger realized that his lack of intimate communication over the years was doing wonders
to increase his chances of dying alone in the very immediate future.
‘You may be growing old,’ he said desperately, ‘but you have years left before you’re too old to
reproduce.’


And there’s number one. Badabingo. Green stick in the green hole.

Frases (Episodio XX)

We should just show every robot we make Terminator.
"See that shit? Did that look fun to you? Bet it did. But hey, listen. We've been around a long fuckin' time. We've thought about this shit a long fuckin' time. We made it entertainment. Kids grew up watching this. Generations were raised daydreaming about surviving in the apocalypse. They grew up, went to work, and invented you. They put you together today, and you think you're tough shit? Hey, robot. Fuck you. You try any of this Skynet bullshit, we'll fuck you up, got it? Welcome to Earth. Now get to work."
And then we make them scrub toilets and shit. Ain't no robot gonna go on a time-travel murder spree if we keep him scrubbing toilets forever.

Frases (Episodio XIX)

Question: Are Salma Hayek's tits as fantastic in life as they are on screen?

Kevin Smith: I learned from an early age that I'm a sucker for the dickless set. So in an effort to keep shit civil and fair across the boards, I've always been a neck-up kinda guy.
Don't get me wrong: I love titties as much as the next lesbian. But libido can cloud judgment and make a guy act a fool. So from 14 on, I've always tried to deal with women like I deal with men: from the neck up. I don't stare at dudes' tits or dicks: why, then, would I ogle chicks I'm not fucking or have no chance of ever fucking. There's a time for looking at breasts: It's when the shirt's coming off and she's smiling at you lustily. 'til that glorious moment ever happened, it was always eyes-to-eyes for me. It's all friendly until someone wants to cum.
You can't get anything done in this life if you're constantly thinking "I wonder what she looks like naked...?" about every woman you meet. Best to treat 'em all like you treat the guys.
That's why I dig my wife so much. Jen Schwalbach is a woman I can ogle the fuck out of and it's civil, proper, even expected and preferred. With her, I'm all neck-DOWN. Not even sure Jen has eyes, to be honest. But fuck, does she have lady parts that tickle my dick.




Y esta es la posta de cómo tratar a las mujeres.

Frases (Episodio XIX)

How to find the G-spot, according to Reddit:

"To find the G-spot hold each breast -- move them simultaneously like this -- Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right squeeze the right nipple squeeze the left nipple and put your finger in the pink eye...congrats!!!"

Frases (Episodio XVIII)

You are, if you are a young person, going to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about what people think of you. And actually, if you're an old person, too. You'll worry for hours and days about what teachers and peers and bosses and coworkers think about you when you won't talk to them in a year or two after you're done with school or that job.
You'll pass on things that might be "too embarrassing" even if it's something you really want to see or do, you'll worry about what people will think if you did something, you'll hold off on doing something you really want to do because someone or someones might not approve, you won't talk to that girl or that boy because you worry what everyone will think if you get shot down, you will be terrified of mistakes you made that everyone saw and obviously remembered.
Only, they don't. First off, most of the people you're worried about watching you won't even remember you were there 10 seconds afterwards. If you flame out spectacularly, people that were there might remember for a while, but they'll probably forget in the minutes, hours, or days afterwards. And if you really, really screw up, it might become a funny story they bring up to get laughs, but even then, they'll forget or they'll die and it will be like it never happened.
So the great irony is all those things you spend so much time worrying about and all that approval you crave from anonymous people will eventually fade away and be forgotten in the seconds, minutes, days, months, and years afterwards, even if it's something really, really spectacular, good or bad.


Unless you're Hitler. People remember Hitler.

Frases (Episodio XVII)

"I'm so unlucky if it were raining pussy I would get hit with a dick"

Adios, Mr. Bradbury

“Death doesn't exist. It never did, it never will. But we've drawn so many pictures of it, so many years, trying to pin it down, comprehend it, we've got to thinking of it as an entity, strangely alive and greedy. All it is, however, is a stopped watch, a loss, an end, a darkness. Nothing.” ― Ray Bradbury, "Something Wicked This Way Comes"

Feliz día de la toalla

1. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

2. Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

3. “My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre,” Ford muttered to himself, “and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.”

4. The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

5. “You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”
“Why, what did she tell you?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t listen.”

6. “Space,” it says, “is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”

7. “Funny,” he intoned funereally, “how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.”

8. Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

9. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

10. Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

11. The reason why it was published in the form of a micro sub meson electronic component is that if it were printed in normal book form, an interstellar hitchhiker would require several inconveniently large buildings to carry it around in.

12. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons.

13. The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

14. The chances of finding out what’s really going on in the universe are so remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself occupied.

15. “Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.”

16. “Forty-two,” said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

17. Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking.

18. The Total Perspective Vortex derives its picture of the whole Universe on the principle of extrapolated matter analyses.To explain — since every piece of matter in the Universe is in some way affected by every other piece of matter in the Universe, it is in theory possible to extrapolate the whole of creation — every sun, every planet, their orbits, their composition and their economic and social history from, say, one small piece of fairy cake. The man who invented the Total Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife.

19. “Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.”

20. It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.

21. The disadvantages involved in pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm’s way, turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to fill the air with and pouring the rest into the sea, all seemed to outweigh the advantages of being able to get more quickly from one place to another.

22. Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with.

23. It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

24. “Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich.”

25. In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn’t cope with, and that terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know you’ve taken all the baths that you can usefully take that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.

26. He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.

27. “He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in his head while his house is burning down.”

28. There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there is the possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.

29. “You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number.”
“Er, five,” said the mattress.
“Wrong,” said Marvin. “You see?”

30. There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

31. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

32. He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.

33. Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbor’s boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the huskies have pissed on.

34. The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying “And another thing…” twenty minutes after admitting he’s lost the argument.

35. He was wrong to think he could now forget that the big, hard, oily, dirty, rainbow-hung Earth on which he lived was a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot lost in the unimaginable infinity of the Universe.

36. “It seemed to me,” said Wonko the Sane, “that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.”

37. “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”

38. The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

39. Protect me from knowing what I don’t need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don’t know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.

40. All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position of thinking it’s pretty damn complicated in the first place.

41. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

42. Don’t Panic.

Frases (Episodio XVI)

I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time
~Banksy

Frases (Episodio XV)

 Q: What can a boyfriend do to help comfort his girlfiend on her period?

A: Treat her like a velociraptor. She is smart. She is fast. Make one wrong move and she will slice you open with her 6" claws. She can smell fear. She is the Alpha and the Omega. You hear her walking around, you stop moving and you stop breathing until she passes. Your best defense is to run and get as many shiny items between her, and you.

Remember, they know how to open doors. Good luck.

Frases (Episodio XIV)

Frases (Episodio XIII)