martes, 27 de marzo de 2012

Goofy is an asshole

I'm sure this will get buried, which seems to be the obligatory thing to say when there are 300+ comments on a thread, but here's how you're an ass, Goofy.
Five years ago I went on a Disney Cruise (The Wonder, I think) with my (then) girlfriend and her whole family. The first night, after getting permission from her dad, I proposed. She immediately said yes, and then switched to no. Then she said “I just don’t know.” I was crushed. She was just confused and scared, that’s not the story.
I go for a walk to clear my head and find a bar up on the deck, by the pool toward the front of the ship. Here we are, less than two hours into a week-long cruise, and I’m slamming Jack Daniels by myself while playing solo chess. Correction: cheating at solo chess.
Then you pass the bar on the deck.
There you are, easily 15 feet tall (with that hat), walking by the window of the bar. I had been drinking hard liquor for about 45 minutes and was very clearly buzzed and/or belligerent and had completely forgotten where I was. Then I saw a giant dog. You. Fucking. Scared. Me.
Something about my face made you stop in mid-stride and slowly, too slowly, turn to face me. Your perma-grin baring vampire teeth and your soulless eyes saw into me. You saw all of my shortcomings and failings as a man and… you laughed. Not audibly, but I could tell. You sort of bent over, grabbing your dog-tummy, and heaved to and fro miming uproarious laughter.
After what felt like a lifetime of your laughing (probably only 10 seconds) you brought your gloved hands to your huge eyes and rubbed them as if crying. I realized I had tears streaming down my face and you mocked me. In horror I wiped off my face while standing up entirely too fast, knocking over the chair I was sitting in. You cocked your head to the side as if to hear my scared heartbeat and walked away, deciding I wasn’t worth your time as prey.
I stepped out into the still-chilly night as kids ran by screaming, but you were already gone; surely to devour someone’s soul. My girlfriend found me, broke down into tears, and apologized profusely. The rest of the cruise was awesome and, honestly, I started to think our encounter was just my imagination. I was engaged to the perfect woman! We were happy and you were a distant memory. Until we got home and started looking through our pictures.
You photobombed a bunch of them. Picture after picture, you’re in the background doing seemingly innocuous stuff. Taken on different nights, I can only conclude that you were stalking me.
tl/dr: Goofy is a soulless creature of the night who kicks broken men in the balls. Figuratively.
Why, Goofy? Why?

The Big Bang Theory

"My new computer came with Windows 7." There's some laughter as the joke is set up. "Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista." There are a few giggles, and the audience prepares for the punchline. "I don't like that." The audience bursts into uncontrollable fits of laughter, many people suffering cardiac arrest. Some convulse so much due to their laughing that they fall from the seats, mortally wounding themselves. A chasm opens in the ground, causing demons and hellfire to spill out of hell and reap the Earth, people still laugh hysterically as they're dragged down to the fiery abyss."

Y es por este tipo de cosas que odio la serie.

Scarface (1983)


"What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way! "

Amo esta película. Verla en el cine es algo que realmente se debe hacer antes de morir, aún con las imposibilidades físicas de conseguir lugar. Al Pacino es definitivamente uno de los mejores actores de la historia del Cine, lejos.

lunes, 12 de marzo de 2012

The Smashing Pumpkins - Stand Inside Your Love


You and me 
Meant to be 
It's destiny 
Pure lunacy 
But for the last time 
You're everything that I want and ask for 
You're all that I'd dreamed 
Who wouldn't be the one you love 
Who wouldn't stand inside your love 
Protected and the lover of 
A pure soul and beautiful you 
Don't understand 
Don't feel me now 
I will breathe 
For the both of us 
Travel the world 
Traverse the skies 
Your home is here 
Within my heart 
And for the first time 
I feel as though I am reborn 
In my mind 
Recast as child and mystic sage 
Who wouldn't be the one you love 
Who wouldn't stand inside your love 
And for the first time 
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for 
Your every move and waking sound 
In my time 
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind 
You're mine forever now 
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for 
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for 
Who wouldn't be the one you love

martes, 6 de marzo de 2012

The past

Wow, mi post número 100.
Viendo que cree este blog justamente por algo parecido a esta imagen, creo que queda muy justo.

lunes, 5 de marzo de 2012

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Acabo de volver a ver esta película. Desde la música, dirección, fotografía, todo es genial. Y no voy a decir nada con respecto a Brad Pitt haciendo del Teniente Aldo Raine, y Christoph Waltz del Coronel Hanz Landa.

Totalmente recomendada, para aquellos tres o cuatro que no la hayan visto todavía.

Impersonations by Kevin Spacey

¿Es muy gay decir que tengo un jodido man-crush con esta persona?
Amo su trabajo, amo su forma de ser.

Y para mi fue un mejor Luthor que Gene Hackman.
There, I said it.

Lionel Hutz - ¿Que es un contrato?

¿Pero qué es un contrato? El diccionario lo define como un acuerdo legal que no se puede romper.
Que no se puede romper.

Perdón, voy al tocador.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

La última foto es genial.

viernes, 2 de marzo de 2012

Douglas Adams - The Story about the biscuits

This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong.
I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.
I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind.
Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.
You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.
Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice . . ." I mean, it doesn't really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.
Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.
The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.

(Excerpted from "The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time" by Douglas Adams)

jueves, 1 de marzo de 2012

Scott Pilgrim - Power of Self Respect

¿Irme a vivir solo? Check.
¿Conseguir otro horario de trabajo? Check.
¿Viajar por la Argentina? Check.
¿Planear ir a Europa? Check.

"A veces necesitás una patada para poder enfrentar y hacer lo que vos querés en la vida"