jueves, 31 de mayo de 2012

Fan Theories Part II

Rebecca Black's "Friday":


The Rebecca Black song "Friday" is about the JFK assassination. The driver of the car he was assasinated in's name was Samuel Kickin (Kickin in the front seat, sittin in the back seat...). The assassination occured on a Friday and when he was shot the Secret Service yelled at Jackie Kennedy to "get down" (got to get down on Friday). Parts about the cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (everybody's Russian) and to top it all off, in the hotel that morning JFK declined a breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast for a bowl of Bran Flakes instead (got to have my bowl- got to have cereal). Also, the following Monday JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students (got to catch my bus...).


The Emperor prepared everything for the Yuuzhan Vong invasion:



My favorite Star Wars conspiracy is that the Emperor wasn't spending all those resources creating crazy superweapons like the Death Star and the Sun Crusher and putting together gigantic fleets of Star Destroyers wasn't to stop the Rebel Alliance, but rather in preparation of the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion that would happen about a quarter century after RoTJ ended.
Now the Emperor is a pretty smart guy. I mean, he got himself elected to Chancellor of the Republic, started a war, earned himself absolute control on both sides of the war, then managed to turn the galaxy against the guys who for a millennium had served as icons of peacekeeping, justice, and democracy. And that takes some serious strategizing! But here's the thing:
At this point, the Republic was falling apart, with or without a Sith-led Separatist movement to nudge them in the wrong direction. The senate was a clusterfuck where nothing ever got done. Corruption reigned supreme. Even the Jedi Council wasn't doing it's job properly. Ideally, Jedi are supposed to act as bastions of compassion and moderation. The way the Jedi would be tasked to deal with a situation is as a balancing influence between, say, two conflicting nation-states, or a particularly quarrelsome trade agreement. Everyone respected and would listen to a Jedi, and even without acting on behalf of the Republic, they should be able to arrive on a scene and be able to allow discussion and bureaucracy to flourish. Instead, the Jedi Council of the waning days of the Republic had grown inward and conservative, spending all their time meditating on the state of the galaxy and not enough time heading out there and fixing shit. This held throughout the war, when Jedi were surprisingly quick to jump to open combat as opposed to discussion.
In short, the Republic was completely and utterly unprepared for a real invasion, from a force that wasn't being controlled by a puppetmaster who was preventing either side from gaining an advantage until the moment was right. The kinds of fleets that were commonplace in the Empire would have been impossible for the Republic to even agree to create, let alone have the wherewithal to actually build. What Palpatine did was take a failing system and tear it out by the roots, replacing it with a brutally efficient, military-industrial focused society - one that could adequately prepare for an invasion of the scale of the Yuuzhan Vong were already beginning.
Second of all, if you think about it, creating a weapon that can destroy planets doesn't make a whole lot of sense when you're fighting a war against a well funded, but decentralized and scattered rebellion. The Rebel Alliance wasn't fighting a war of planets or borders or resources, they were fighting a war of attrition. What good is the ability to destroy a planet when your enemy doesn't even officially control any? The destruction of Alderaan, the only notable use of the Death Star, was a move made by Grand Moff Tarkin, whose Tarkin Doctrine, though it heavily influenced the way the Empire kept a tight grip on even the furthest systems, was not the ultimate purpose of the "ultimate weapon". Tarkin was convinced that the Death Star was his tool, one of intimidation and despotism, that he could use it to keep the Alliance, the biggest threat to his power, at bay. And we all know how that venture turned out.
No, the real purpose of the Death Star was to be able to fight a force that could completely terraform an entire planet into a gigantic, organic shipyard in a matter of months, and was backed by dozens of 100+ Kilometer across worldships. In fact, without the timely arrival of the seed of the original Yuuzhan Vong homeworld, Zonama Sekot, and a Jedi-influenced heretic cult that spurred a slave uprising, it's very unlikely that the denizens of the galaxy could have survived the war at all under the leadership of the New Republic. In fact, it's not really even fair to say that they "won" the war in any sense, with a sizable portion of the population of the galaxy eradicated, Coruscant, the former shining jewel at the heart of every major government for millennia, captured and terraformed beyond recognition, and the New Republic forced to reconstruct itself as the Galactic Alliance. Undoubtedly, for all it's flaws, the Empire could have hammered out a far less Pyrrhic victory over the Vong. And if Palpatine hadn't underestimated the abilities of both the rebellion he never considered a comparable threat, and one young Jedi, perhaps the galaxy could have avoided the deaths of uncountable sentients during the Yuuzhan Vong war years later.


TL;DR: The Emperor destroyed the Republic and built Death Stars to fight off an extragalactic invasion.

Kill Bill:


The Bride doesn't kill Bill in Kill Bill.
First you have to put her rampage in chronological order... She wakes up in the hospitl, kills Buck, flies to Japan, kills everyone in the tea house, then comes back to the states to kill Vernita Green. We know this because O Ren's name is already crossed off the list when she parks outside Vernita's house.
In the process of killing Greene, she accidentally does so in front of her young daughter. Her immediate reaction is shame. She tries to hide the knife behind her leg.
From that point on, she doesn't kill anyone else. Budd dies from a snake bite. Daryl Hannah's character has her eye plucked out but is left alive.
Then we get to Bill... they tell the story of the five point palm fist of death technique, but in the training sequences it's never shown that she learns it. We are specifically told that Pai Mei never taught it to anyone.
The other part that's suspicious is the play acting, when Beatrix first runs into the house there's a play scene with her daughter, they pretend to shoot her and she pretends to be dead. This is what Bill does.
At the end of the film, Beatrix is curled up on a bathroom floor crying "Thank you, thank you." Who is she thanking? Bill for letting her go. It was the only way for either of them to exit the situation gracefully.
During the end credits, each of the people on the list who died gets a line through their name. Daryl Hannah is marked with a question mark because she was left alive... but Bill? Bill's name isn't marked at all.
Because they never killed Bill in Kill Bill.

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario en la entrada